Military Jokes And Humor

Military Jokes And HumorMilitary Jokes And HumorMinot AFB opened in February 1957 and supports Continous Bomber Presence (CBP) as well as Intercontinental Ballistic Missles. The strategic importance of this kusine, its mission, billions of dollars of strategic bombers, nuclear weapons and missiles cannot be underestimated, but the cold weather and remoteness is often the butt of many military jokes. This base is in the middle of NORTH DAKOTA To say the Air Force Airmen create jokes about their living conditions in such a place is an understatement. Here is a classic joke about life in Minot AFB during the winter. The most used phrase about the Minot Air Force Base as well as the town itself is a simple question and answerQuestion Why Not Minot?Answer Freezins the Reason.Many who have grown accustomed to the base and its permanent placement within the polar vortex will quickly answer, No other base has two-thirds of the nuclear triad (Bombers, ICBMs) with Ballistic Missile Submarines being the third of the Strategic Deterent Mission. Here is a classic long story diary form joke about life at Minot Air Force Base in North Dakota during the winter months. An Airmans Jurnal December 8 - 600 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow December 9 - We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Putting in for an assignment at Minot welches the best idea Ive ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life. December 12 - Th e sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, well definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful Bob says well have so much snow by the end of winter, that Ill never want to see snow again. I dont think thats possible. Bob is such a nice man, Im glad hes our neighbor. December 14 - Snow lovely snow 8 last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didnt realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but Ill certainly get back in shape this way. December 15 - 20 inches of snow in theforecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wifes car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think thats silly. We arent in A laska, after all. December 16 - Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think welches very cruel. December 17 - Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I shouldve bought a wood stove, but wont admit it to her. God I hate it when shes right. I cant believe Im freezing to death in my own living room. December 20 - Electricitys back on, but had another 14 of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said theyre too busy playing hockey. I think theyre lying. Called the BX to see about buying a snow blower and theyre out. Might have another shipment in March. I think theyre lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the base will issue me a ticket, and if you get three, you have to move off-base. I think hes lying. December 22 - Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and its so cold it probably wont melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to poop. By the time I got undressed, pooped and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter but he says hes too busy. I think the jerk is lying. December 23 - Only 2 of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts Why didnt she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think shes lying. December 24 - 6. Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snowplow Ill drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where Ive just been Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow. December 25 - Merry -bleeping- Christmas 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a cup of coffee or hot chocolate and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think shes a fricking idiot. If I have to watch Its A Wondeful Life one more time, Im going to stuff her into the microwave. December 26 - Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever put Minot on the dream sheet? It was all HER idea. Shes really getting on my nerves. December 27 - Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze, CE finally came after 14 hours of w aiting for for them. Said it was a busy day. I know the SOBs are lying. December 28 - Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is driving me crazy December 29 - 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. Thats the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am? December 30 - Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver. The commander is now giving me an Article 15, for not only the beating I gave the driver, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. 9 of snow predicted. December 31 - I set fire to whats left of the house. No more shoveling. January 8 - Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to thebed? So, I ask you again - Why Not Minot?Military Jokes and Humor

5 Strategies for Creating a Winning Staffing Management Game Plan

5 Strategies for Creating a Winning Staffing Management Game Plan5 Strategies for Creating a Winning Staffing Management Game PlanThe responsibility for the success of the team starts with the coach, who develops the plan that is then executed by the players - who are extremely well-prepared.In a 1993 interview with the Harvard Business Review (HBR), former San Francisco 49ers head coach Bill Walsh was asked how he achieved quickness and responsiveness in his teams. The quote above was just part of his response. But it is a significant statement. As the HBR article notes, Walshs focus on developing long-range strategic and personnel plans for the 49ers from the moment he joined the organization in 1979 helped him create a powerhouse team that won three Super Bowl titles during his tenure.Building an all-star finance and accounting team for your geschftlicher umgang also requires a solid game plan. With a well-thought-out staffing management strategy, you can complement the abilities of your current MVPs, and give them the support they need to deliver their best performance. You can also identify and address skills gaps that could undermine your finance functions ability to meet critical deadlines, keep clients satisfied and generate new business.When developing his personnel strategy, Walsh, according to HBR, focused on what other coaches had considered the minutiae of the game minute-by-minute choreographing of practices, breaking down individual and group tactics into parts, and defining responsibilities and setting objectives for both players and coaches. You may not need to get this detailed when creating a game plan for your accounting and finance organization (although it cant hurt). But do consider applying the following five strategies as part of your processStrategy 1. Conduct a talent auditStep back and assess your current team members to determine their strengths. Dont just consider technical skills. Think about your employees interpersonal abilitie s and leadership potential, too. Public speaking skills, business acumen and effectiveness in collaborating with people inside and outside of your department are all qualities that deepen your finance functions bench strength. A thorough assessment of each players talents can also help to inform your succession planning efforts for your organization.Strategy 2. Identify critical gaps in your rosterOnce you fully gauge your existing staffs abilities, think about what roles and skills youd need to recruit to create a high-performing and well-balanced dream team for your finance function. To fill critical gaps, would you need to hire mora full-time staff? Could you train and develop promising employees? Or would it be better to engage specialists and experienced consultants? Depending on the needs of your business, you may find you need to employ all the above staffing strategies. (See Strategy 4.)Strategy 3. Determine how long you will need certain skillsYour staffing management strat egy should be designed to be flexible. It must stretch and contract with ease and speed as workload demands fluctuate. Thats why its important to differentiate between project-based and ongoing needs when creating your game plan. For example, if your firm pursues a merger or acquisition, or an IPO, you might need to hire specialized consultants to help guide the business successfully through these big change events. On the other hand, entering a new market or taking on a major new account might require you to expand your roster of full-time accounting and finance employees.Strategy 4. Know how to compete for top talentWhen you extend job offers to in-demand candidates, start with salaries that are at or above market rates - and be prepared to negotiate if needed. (You can use our Salary Calculator to quickly determine compensation ranges in your market for accounting and finance roles youre trying to fill.) Your game plan for recruiting top players should also include publicizing t he compelling perks your company offers, such as a work-life balance program.Strategy 5. Keep top performers from jumping shipSavvy managers know they need to put as much effort into retaining top players as they do to recruit them. So, your staffing management strategy should include tactics for keeping MVPs motivated to stay with your organization for the long term. Clearly mapping milestones for career achievement and offering professional development opportunities are just some ways to keep your employees engaged and satisfied on the job.Creating a winning staffing management game plan for your accounting and finance team requires a lot of careful thought. Even then, theres no guarantee that every staffing decision you make will be the right one. Youll also need to adjust your strategy over time, as your organization changes and faces new challenges. But having a plan is better than no plan at all.As Coach Walsh told HBR in 1993, You need to have a plan even for the worst scenar io. It doesnt mean that it will always work it doesnt mean that you will always be successful. But you will always be prepared and at your best.Great teams dont just happen - theyre builtLooking for more ideas on how to build a strong team for your accounting and finance function? Download Robert Halfs free guide, Creating Managing the Dream Team, for tips on how to identify the working styles of elite players, manage different personality types with the right approach, and leverage effective management techniques to be an even stronger leader.GET THE GUIDE

Laszlo Bock, Googles work guru, starts new company Humu to make work better

Laszlo motorrad, Googles work guru, starts new company Humu to make work betterLaszlo Bock, Googles work guru, starts new company Humu to make work betterLaszlo Bock is the innovative man behind Googles company culture of free meals and shuttle buses. Now hes planning something new.As Googles former Senior Vice President of People Operations, Bock made the companys culture more cooperative and wrote a bestselling book about how, titled Work RulesAfter Bock announced he was leaving Google in 2016, reports of his new startup emerged. In an email to family and friends, he said his new pursuit would be built around the principle that every job can have meaning, that if you give people freedom they will amaze you, that applied science (which I dubbed people analytics a decade back) can illuminate the truth about what really makes people happy and productive.On Monday, Bock elaborated what thatmeant in his first public announcement that he was starting a new company called humu to make wor k better.Citing U.S. Bureau of Labor statistics, Bock said he was alarmed to find out wespend eight times as much time working as we do caring for others. Worse for Bock was finding out that two-thirds of Americans only see their work as just a job.He wants to change that. He believes work should be better than that. It needs to be better than that. If were devoting most of ur lives to work, that experience should be meaningful, impactful, productive.Work RulesThis is not the first time Bock has talked about making work meaningful.In fact, improving the culture of work was the thesis to his bestselling book. He used Google as a positivecase study on how leaders can make work meaningful for their employees through three principles finding a compelling mission, being transparent, and giving their people a voice.The Humuhumunukunukuapuaa of the animal work worldMaking work better sounds great, we can all agree, but theres not much detail on how humu is planning to do this.Is humu going to be a LinkedIn jobs motherboard site, or the Goop lifestyle publication of the workforce, or a Lean-In circle for job seekers and advisers to share wisdom and talk shop, or a combination of all of the above?All we have are mysterious clues from Bock himself.When a person on Twitter noted that somebody has to be building a LinkedIn killer, Bock replied archly, Yes..someone.Humus website is currently sparse. Theres only the caption, making work better through science, machine learning, and a little bit of love with a photo of a fish.A reverse Google image search tell us this fish is a Humuhumunukunukuapuaa (pronounced who-moo-who-moo-noo-koo-noo-koo-ah-pooah-ah), the State Fish of Hawaii.Ok, now the name of the company makes more sense as way to shorten that fishs name - but what does a reef triggerfish have to do with work?We took a look at the fishs characteristics for clues, and it does sound like someone we might have worked with. This reef triggerfish has a pretty face and ra zor-sharp teeth. Its known for its aggressive, solitary nature. Itscolor is most vivid when itis healthy and feels unthreatened.Is Bock telling us that were all lonely, competitive fish trying to find environmentswhere our coats can shine?Ladders has reached out to Bock andhis humu co-founder Wayne Crosby to find out more about humus mission, so we can stop projecting work anxieties ontoa Hawaiian fish. We will update when we get a response.

Video Subra Suresh 2012 ASME Timoshenko Medal Recipient

Video Subra Suresh 2012 ASME Timoshenko Medal Recipient Video Subra Suresh 2012 ASME Timoshenko Medal Recipient Video Subra Suresh, 2012 Timoshenko MedalSubra Suresh is the director of the National Science Foundation. Hes been an instrumental leader in programs to support interdisciplinary research and to coordinate international science funding.Previously, Dr. Suresh served as dean of the School of Engineering at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology in Cambridge. He has also been on the faculty at Brown University in Providence, Rhode Island.Dr. Suresh has conducted research and modeling on the mechanical properties of structural and functional materials. His work also includes materials design and characterization. He often works across disciplines, and has made discoveries of possible connections between cellular nanomechanical processes and philanthropisch disease.Dr. Suresh received his Sc.D. degree in mechanical engineering from MIT. His bachelors degree is from the Indian Institute of Technology, Madras. He earned a masters degree from Iowa State University in Ames.Read more about the 2012 Recipients of ASME Honors and Awards The copyright of this program is owned by ASME.

The 5-Minute Rule for Sample Resumes Templates

The 5-Minute Rule for Sample Resumes vorlages Finding the Best Sample Resumes Templates Since you can see, font size is essential portion of your resume and you ought to ensure that it remains in your thoughts, when you writing your document. Then it may be time to bring some style to your resume A vorlage can spare you plenty of time. Sample Resumes Templates - Overview Building your resume with an internet templatecan greatly enhance your odds of getting your dream job by providing you with an effective, concise resume which appeals straight to the position or company that youre applying to. If youre attempting to obtain work in accounting or finance you require averystrong resume. Writing a resume for employment in the art industry can be difficult. Accounting and finance managers may want to see your technical understanding. The Supreme Approach to Sample Resumes Templates Choose a specific position which you would love to submit an application for so youll be easily guided by what things to put in your resume. Lines under the primary section headings are advised. You can also alter the font if you wish (and the exact same goes for each template in our list). When you pick a template youll be shown a dialog box that shows you a bigger view of the template. The Sample Resumes Templates Game If you are searching for Cv Illustrator Template Free youve come to the correct location. XX Clean is going to be the ideal template to use when wanting to earn a lasting first impression. Microsoft Word resume templates are the most regularly used tool in the work hunting. Moreover there are several resume templates Microsoft Word to pick from it is really tough to land on that 1 link which will actually do the job for you. If youve got an earlier version of Word, you simply want to visit FILE and New and you will have the ability to hunt for resume or hunt for templates. Preview and click the one that you need to open. Based on your field of work, you should select your resume. Make sure you make the info youre looking for. However much or what kind of work experience youve got, theres a resume format that is likely to make your qualifications shine. Men and women use all types of resume templates which use different type of design approaches, but ultimately its always likely to come to the simple fact that your resume should convey a very clear message above your skills, your experience, and also why youd be the ideal candidate for the position. Sample Resumes Templates Secrets That No One Else Knows About Resume Samples are able to help you present your employment and education information the proper way. Developing your resume is essential. Should you need a resume template which allows you to discuss your abilities and creative talents from a deep perspective, you will enjoy exactly what this template offers. Also be sure to tailor the document to the job youre applying for. Writing a strong application is a ch allenging procedure and we would like to make it simpler. Templates also show you exactly what information you want to have in your CV, such as what information to put in each individual part of your CV, and what type of language to use. To find some formatting suggestions for your resume, take a look at our samples.Objective The fundamental idea is to compose a personal statement that describes what you would like to become or do eventually. All you need to do is discover one you like, click on it, and get started writing. Its very essential to comprehend the sort of resumes preferred by the establishment that you wish to work for. The reply is yes in the event you need to. A basic resume is also less difficult to read. Click our sample to learn to compose the ideal transportation resume. A good resume would assist with that. Possessing an extensive contact information listing may give your prospective employer more options about how to get hold of you.

Method of Writing a Resume Secrets That No One Else Knows About

Method of Writing a Resume Secrets That No One Else Knows About Afterwards, you may download your resume free of charge, so that it is possible to edit it in MS Word or Google Docs. Utilize on-line Tools to Help Write Your ResumeWriting doesnt come easily to everybody, and thus dont be scared to find some assistance from the experts. Resumes are produced to highlight the best side of an individual. They may be organized in different ways. The Chronicles of Method of Writing a Resume Whats more, you have to be job specific whilst including the details and give a wide berth to the frequent spelling and grammatical errors. Writing a strong application is a challenging procedure and we would like to make it simpler. If youre searching to customize professional, pre-formatted resumes, take a look at our completely free downloadable templates. Utilizing a resume template has turned into an acceptable and smart practice for quite a few factors. Heres What I Know About Method of Wr iting a Resume A good resume should also concentrate on providing your possible employer with information thats pertinent to the job and your career targets. Any sort of job would request that you submit a resume to sustain a distribution policy to be evaluated for a particular position. Unless you believe you have a lot of that, then perhaps you should encounter a job thats more relevant to your experience. If youre attempting to obtain work in accounting or finance you require averystrong resume. Method of Writing a Resume for Dummies Resume writing Objective is an essential section in any type of resume. Resume writing objective is a significant portion of the resume, without it resume wont leave its effects on the recruiter. Your resume should be formatted in an easy, professional method. Your resume, after all, isnt an autobiography, but instead a summary of your previous experience and qualifications.